my destiny terrifies me still.

the feeling that no matter what you do is always somehow wrong—that any attempt to make your way comfortably through the world will only end up crossing some invisible taboo—as if there’s some obvious way forward that everybody else can see but you, each of them leaning back in their chair and calling out helpfully, almost as a blessing, colder, colder, colder...

you stare at the sun for too long and it starts to blind you. you know you can't look away, you are hypnotised and drawn to the light, and you are terrified of being surrounded by nothing but pitch-black again.